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*Mandy*

[ website | PHOTOGRAPHS ]
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ahhh [31 May 2006|05:22pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

wow...
where to start. well there has been a lot of things going on lately that have been killing me...

my boyfriend for one is the most stressful thing to deal with, and with all the doctor appointments and work and all these mixed emotions my stomach feels like it is going to collapse. my boyfriend is my soul mate there's no doubt about that, and yeah we both have made mistakes that have hurt each other in the past but we have moved on and thats the important thing. the only thing that is killing me right now is how he is not RESPONISBILE at all!!!! not that im the most perfect person in the world but at least i can get up for work on time. he has so much potential to be the person he dreams of being but he is stuck in one place right now and can't get out of it. 

yeah its fun partying and getting drunk and having fun but it can take a toll on your life easily (especially when you get evicted from your house and you got a really mad landlord)
i must be impossible for him at the moment...i was the whole reason he lost his wallet in the river with all his money in it for one... 

***we were at the river and me and joey held on to a rock to catch up with the rest of our group and if it wasn't for me being so worried about spilling my SPARKS (there's another way beer can ruin your day) then i wouldn't have floated away from the group like 30 feet away and joey wouldn't have had to throw his wallet at his friend and jump in the river after me --by then i was crying because four mexicans on one tube were frantically swimming after me shouting "come here, im lonely, im lonely!"-- i feel bad that he lost all his money and then that night we drank away our worries...and thats where beer (again) ruins your night*** 

this party could have went down in the books...all of fountain hills cops were surrounding the house and we kept on partying all night in the dark...but the next morning we payed for it...the land lord came yelling and screaming at joey and they lost their house...
its not like they would have been living there much longer anyway...he lost all his money...but thats not the point, he didn't have that much money in the first place becasue he doesnt know how to save his money and it kills me...he cant stay at work, he cant be there on time, and he cant bring home the money to pay for bills...how can i rely on someone like that? 

there are other things about him that  make me know why im with him...he has the biggest heart- anyone who has met him would tell you that! he just glows...and i know that is weird to say but it is so true...he can be friends with anyone and he gives you all of his heart and at the same time he stands up for himself and for the ones he cares about around him...hes tough guy ill tell you that...but in a cuddly way...this isnt making any sense is it?
he has this innocence about him that makes me want to be a better person...i have never seen him worry about anything in his life..and thats basically the reason why i am writing this...i worry WAY too much...i dont want to be a WORRY WART but i am.... 


i love my boyfriend more than anything in the world...he just stresses me out and hopefully one day he will grow up and grow with me and our relationship will have more than the potential it has now and it will last for years to come.

Comment

blabs [07 Oct 2005|11:40am]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Mocking Bird ]

So last year about this time i started one of these livejournal thingys and now im gonna start it up again. A lot of crazy ass things happen in my life...especially with my partner in crime Joseph Bernard and i love my life so much now. (partly because of Joey...i love him)

When i would write journals last year i was completely depressed. But i've done a full 180 and things are completely different.

 So next week is fall break and i got a head start today by ditching school...ooooh i know----can you say BADASS? just kidding but im just sitting here bored waiting for Joey to come back from fountain hills. He had to patch things up with his brother-in-law and i was supposed to go but i made the decision that it was something he had to do on his own. you know a family thing.

well thats me talking about nothing...hahaha 
bye

Comment

[19 Nov 2004|05:30pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

"SOOO i know we haven't been communicating that well lately and we always seem to be fighting the only solution i can think of is
DANCE OFF"
                  -- kara carmack...best advice given i swear to go her and athan are the same people!

lol so heres a good question...

what is your biggest fear?

i have two fears....number one is fish!  i hate them so much! AHHHH!  i know its weird but omg something about them just make me wanna run for cover. number two is being alone...i cant stand it.  you know when someone can have a nervous breakdown if too many people are around them, well mine is the total opposite.  i seriously flip out and have nervous breakdowns if people arent with me.

i really wanna change that about me

(10) Bitches Fuckin Love My Ass Comment

[17 Nov 2004|10:08pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

this is what happens when me and kara have:
1. a lot of free time
2. some sugar involved or in my case corn dogs
3. a computer with some way of us being able to
communicate in this critical time


gURLiegURLpNk (9:50:43 PM): Ask me 3 questions, anything you want, and I will answer honestly. Post this and allow your friends to ask you three questions that you must answer honestly.
carmack 8 9 4 (9:50:51 PM): ok
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:09 PM): would you die for me?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:51:13 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:21 PM): if i were killed would you kill the person who killed me?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:51:26 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:51 PM): would you wipe my butt if i had no arms and i SERIOUSLY needed a hand?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:07 PM): .....
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:13 PM): "ask again later"
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:26 PM): "signs point to yes"
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:34 PM): HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:38 PM): now your turn
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:47 PM): do u love me?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:53 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:53:23 PM): would u love me if i wasnt able to show any emotions AT ALL and i was a vegetable
carmack 8 9 4 (9:53:28 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:54:17 PM): would u take me to the elton john and metallica collaberation concert this fall if i really wanted to go?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:54:42 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS no way would i fucking miss that w/ you
carmack 8 9 4 (9:54:44 PM): ahahahahahahahah
gURLiegURLpNk (9:54:58 PM): oooo i have another one though
carmack 8 9 4 (9:55:08 PM): shoot
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:06 PM): if i were sick in the hospital dying of.....lets just say...a really bad case of herpes...would u pass up a chance to meet harry potter, and i mean the real harry potter, to come and visit me in the hospital and change my bed pans?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:20 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:27 PM): really?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:36 PM): omg i swear that was the BEST freakin question i have EVER been asked
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:41 PM): how bout elton john and his metallica back up dancers?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:48 PM): ummm
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:51 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:53 PM): lowl
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:58 PM): u had to think about it!
carmack 8 9 4 (9:57:12 PM): hahaahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaah

wow we are weird!

(3) Bitches Fuckin Love My Ass Comment

[14 Nov 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | "aww that was so cute!" ]
[ music | my little brother asking whats for dinner. lol ]

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Realization: we all want the things that we cant have, or we can have but its just not right.

my birthday was fun because i was with kara! wow i love that girl! im soooo glad we share our birthdays!  we went on a shopping spree today and spent most of our money that we got.  but it was speed shopping. i mean we were in and out of every store in like 10 minutes (except for charolette's russe because i retruned somthing but they gave me "in-store" credit and i had to go in the thong bins...hahaha)

anyway...i was in tears on my birthday bc my brother got me the sweetest card (and 16 dollars lol) wow...its things like that, when an older brother shows that he cares, that just KILLS me.  it was weird coming right after our little fist fight thingy.  omg!  that was probably my favorite present so far. 

my birthday isnt until november 27th guys.  sorry for the confusion lol.  i always have the FAMILY party first because i share with my cousin kara.  but yeah im not 16 yet, but its coming up soon! 

hehe talk to ya'll later! bye bye
mandy

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i think im a little bit more stronger now [11 Nov 2004|06:41pm]
[ mood | AHHHH! ]
[ music | radio ]

so let me update....
on wednesday night my aunt took me shopping for my birthday and we went to the mall and passed by the purses, and so of course my aunt insists on getting me a really nice purse. after her talking me into letting her buy me the purse for over an hour, i finally gave in and she bought me it. omg i love it!! lol

but anyway, after that i went to go and pick up kadie, and we went to blockbuster and rented bad santa then came back to my house and watched it...well kadie watched it, i pretended to while i was half asleep. i was so frickin exaughsted from what has been going on lately.

the next day my mom gave me my birthday present, which was a whole shit load of money to go shopping with kadie...so we were off to the mall. i didnt even buy really anything. i bought a shirt and got me and kadie starbucks. i seriously dont know HOW to spend money. lol kadies mom had bought her the shrek movies and she hadnt opened them yet and she had her backback with her all through the mall because we just came from my house, and we were going out of hollister and the alarm went off...hahaha it looked so bad, we were walking out and kadie had a back pack on...it was hilarious! but it was the movies that were setting the alarm off.

so when we were at the mall we met up with her friends. and her ex boyfriend james. so it ended up that me, kadie, and james went shopping for a while and then we walked back to kadies house. i was sitting there talking to james and him and kadie broke up about i dont know how long ago, and he was telling me about how it was hard, and if she asked him back out he would say yes. so i told kadie about it and she told me that she asked him out just yesterday and he said no...but she seemed happy about it.

we were sitting there and kadie decides to call eric because she told him she would, and i had to just go somewhere else. thank god she just told him that she would talk to him later. but then like 15 minutes later he calls back asking for me...omg i just sat there with the phone in my hand trying to figure out if i should talk or not, because its been so hard lately (im not gonna lie) my hands were shaking so bad but i started talking to him, and i could tell something was wrong but i didnt know what...i am worried, it might be good, it might be bad. but he didnt tell me, all he could say was "nevermind." so i just left him like that...maybe he needs time to think, so hes gonna get time to think.

so this is where my day was RUINED. all three of us were just sitting there in kadies room, and james asked for my number as kadie wasnt looking...omg i didnt know what to say so i was like "hold on" and i went to go help kadie with something. i was avoiding it for a while, and then the phone rang and kadie had to go get it, and thats when he asked me again, and i was like "ummm i just cant right now."

wow i was pissed.

i mean hes a cool guy and everything but i just didnt like him in that way, and i thought i made it pretty clear. but wow! ok first of all he knew some of the things that were going on right now, and he just got done telling me he would go back out with kadie. and kadie is my friend!! you know i think he would be better with her. god what an ass hole move.

ahhhh! guys are so stupid.

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[10 Nov 2004|03:52pm]
[ mood | trying to figure things out ]

ok!!!

im finally able to focus on me...but where do i start?
i NEED to be happy. i need to just have fun and forget about the things on the surface...the things im saying are bothering me, and that im holding on to, because really i let them go a long time ago, i was just too scared to admit it. ok so now i need to fix me, fix my problems. im not gonna care anymore because its killing me.

anyway...

i get to spend time with kadie now!!! yay!!! its time to party! hehehe and get my mind off all the bad.

thank you kadie for helping me realize things...i love you!

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i still love him [06 Nov 2004|07:27pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

i just want to know that im still the girl that made the butterflies in your stomach happen...

i miss that
i miss you.
</p>
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[04 Nov 2004|03:35pm]
if god came up to you and told you that you had two choices to make...

1. die on the spot
or
2.live someone elses life until it was their time to die. you could be anybody in the world that was living at the moment.

which would you choose, and who would you be??
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Creative Thinking [03 Nov 2004|06:59pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | Jet- Fool Of Everyone ]

so today was crappy actually.

god it feels like everyday im like gambling with my feelings. one day everythings ok and the next things suck, but its not like EVERYTHING in my life sucks just because of today its just that today proved my point from the beginning.

let me explain...
ive been REALLY sick of people and their crappy ways were all they think about is themselves, and do things just to their benifits. thats why lately ive been more by myself than anything because i need to see whos just gonna use me and who actually cares. today this person was the biggest bitch. i was supposed to go out to eat with her after school, and then at the last minute she decides to    un-invite me and my friend because shes inviting two other people, and just invite my boyfriend. wow that pissed me off. its not like im jealous that she wants my boyfriend, i KNOW for a fact thats not true, and he would never like her, they are just friends. its just the fact that we were REALLY close and then all of the sudden she choses to leave me out. that just sucked. i normally would be pissed about this and then just let it go because really its not that big of a deal, its not the end of the world. but this just proves my point.

people suck!
why do people only care about themselves? SERIOUSLY ANSWER MY QUESTION!
can anybody....no!
its the most stupid thing in the world. i know you cant go all you life thinking about everyone else and never yourself, but come on stop being so selfish, get over your shallowness, get over trying to fit in, trying to be cool, trying to be the best in everything that you do, because that kind of stuff should come naturally or not all. i know this world is cruel and all, but you dont have to hurt EVERYONE to survive...its not that bad.

quit stepping on others people's feet that are innocent, that have done NOTHING to you, quit making them fall, just so you can step all over them and claim your un-deserved victory!

ok im done with that shit. lol

now...ADRI!!!
(my wife)
i was thinking about things today and i realized that i miss hanging out with ya girl! remember when we used to live at the mall...i mean how many movies did we see together? now its just like..."ok lets do something and soon." but then we never plan it...we need to stop doing that!!!! i love ya!

</span></o:p></p>

karry potter KARA CLICK HERE )

</span>
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i love my journal [02 Nov 2004|04:33pm]
[ mood | giggly ]
[ music | This Photograph Is Proof- Taking Back Sunday ]


here's something to read if you get bored. )

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halloween [31 Oct 2004|08:53pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]
[ music | Movie-Halloween ]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

my halloween was quite interesting...

here's some pictures....

football players

me posing my footballness on chads car!

kara's determination

GRRR...

MY BEST FRIEND!!

there's more in my photo journal check em out!

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[30 Oct 2004|08:14am]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | simple plan- welcome to my life ]

ok i know this may sound selfish but sometimes i wish pepople would just do something AMAZING for me. something that would make me speechless. i always said that i hate surprises and the reason why i hate them is because everytimes someone goes to surprise me i end up fiding out sooner or later. thats just the persuasive part of me. but i WANT surprises i want someone to let me know how much they care. especially during this time of my life. im not dropping any hints (well maybe) haha jk. but i love when my friends think of the cutest littlest things because i NEVER forget them!!!!!!!

on the edge of breaking down
with no one there to save you
you dont know what its like...

i got my pictures back from my summer...i guess my sister stole my camera and took pictures on her own, but they are some great ones in there. 

  • like jesse and zack k in pacsun when i got kicked out for taking the damn picture. 
  • then eric playing kadies bass (wowie! lol)
  • then kadie kicking erics ass! hahaha (little white castle burgers)
  • eric being blinded by the light! hahah you should see it. 
  • me being pissed at eric and him taking a picture of it.
    (wow i didnt know i look that evil when im mad) 

I did it in 16</big></b> seconds.
I deserved an A-!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!! ^ok i was really...GROUNDED...today and i decided to keep myself busy. do this little thing i thik its funny! oh yeah i might be ungrounded really soon...i just have to CHANGE a lot of things and im working on it. ♥ to know you who: i may not have been acting the same lately (well the past few months but i promise its gonna change completely. right now it may not seem like i love you, but i do i love you soooo much! i need time alone
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daddy's little girl [28 Oct 2004|08:31pm]
[ mood | pay back (somehow) ]

i really hate someone right now you have no idea.
this person has done nothing but caused me troubles since he entered my life.
you think that he would love me, care for me, and treat me like his own, but no he never did.

i hate the stereotypes >momma's boy> daddy's little girl> because im not daddy's little girl.

i hate my dad.

hes not even my dad.  everything about him isnt anything like me.  hes that type of person that could careless about anyone but himself but takes credit for the things that he does like hes some kind of angel.

hes so fake.  everytime someone other than our immediate family is around he puts up an act.  only a few times has his true self come out, and those times have been ugly.

i can remember me being 8 years old and already hating him more than anything on the planet.  i thought he was the devil, the boogie man, the terrible monster that lived in my closet, but really he was only a room down taking over my life and ruining it.

i always wonder what my life would be like if he hadnt become my dad.  would things have been better?  would i be different? i think im a stronger person because of all the shit that he has put me through, but there is no way in hell im gonna give him a OUNCE of credit for ANY good that there is in me.

i remember in 8th grade this girl's dad was dying.  there was a charity for her dad to raise money for the expences.  i didnt know this girl at all, but i guess my dad gave the most moeny to her, adding up to thousands of dollars...yeah bullshit..
everytime i would see her at school she would stop and smile at me like she was thanking me for what he did.  i never talked to her. i wish i did though.  i would warn her that he doesnt need a thank you.
man oh man now thinking back on it i REALLY wish i would have talked to her.  her dad was d ying...i know almost exactly how that feels.  i hope ill be able to see her and talk to her about the things that she probably thinks no one understands...i understand.  i hope she doesnt end up with a shitty step-father like i did.

goodnight

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to be continued.... [27 Oct 2004|11:06pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

what do you do when the person that made you smile in the first place is now the person who took the smile off your face?

 

i dont know whats gonna happen next
               thats good and bad

 

i feel like our relationship is a cheesy soap opera that just ended with a "to be continued" and the anticipation to know whats gonna happen next is killing me.

(2) Bitches Fuckin Love My Ass Comment

[26 Oct 2004|03:51pm]
[ mood | okay ]

im giving up for good

                            .......i dont care anymore

freshamn year in english my teaher sat there with a book of stupid questions that were supposed to start debates or whatever, and one of the questions was "if you could get rid of any emoition what would it be?" and everyone in the class said sadness, but then my teacher said she wanted to answer the question. she said that if she could get rid of any emotion it would be jealousy because jealousy kills. she said that everyone has lost friends because they were jealous of something about them, businessmen turn into devils because of their greed and jealousy of someone more powerful than them, you lose sight of love because of jealousy, and the most important thing...trust...is lost. i dont know why i remember that over all of the things we did in that class, but i remember what she said word for word. now its happening in my life, and i hate it more than ANYTHING! please god just take it away! if theres some way of not being jealous please let me in on the secret.

if you could get rid of any emotion what would it be?

the only thing you can ever do for me for as long as you will know me is to not bring me down into the hell you are in right now.

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try it ; ) [24 Oct 2004|12:22pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

I got this from someone's LJ and it was the cutest thing
DO IT!!!

Please, read and follow the instructions.

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything.
Make sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post as many times as you'd like.
This may take place of my journal for a little while
-- but eventually I'll start writing more entires again.
Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.

-mandy

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OH WOW [23 Oct 2004|10:18pm]
[ mood | shocked ]
[ music | nothing ]

i just got home from the wedding and wow i love my family. 

They are the coolest, most exciting bunch of people ever, and i cant live without them. i'll tell you why...
So we were at my aunts next door neighbors wedding, and at the beginning everyone at the wedding was in this extra house thingy that they have in their back yard that has a pool table, a bar, and games and stuff. so yeah everyone was talking in there and then my brother decides to show off his newly gaged ear and my mom goes to screw on the ball of his earring and drops it. so everyone in my family was on the ground on their hands and knees looking for this ball...while everyone else not in our family looked at us really really weird.
Then my cousin eric was standing on this rock next to the pool, and my grandpa tells his dad to yell at him to get off the rock because he might fall in and my uncle just says "oh yeah that would be awesome if he feel in, let him fall." and so the whole night my uncles were trying to push eric in the pool.
Then my uncle phil split red wine on my grandmas shirt and my uncle jerry had a brillant idea to put white wine on it so the stain would come out, so he was pouring all this wine on her, and it didnt do anything.
Then because my grandmas knee is hurt she wanted to go to my cousins house so i drove her over there in the golf cart and when i was going back to the wedding, i hear her screaming me name as i drive down the street...it just so happend that when she went outside to smoke she locked herself out of the house, and i had to drive back and unlock the door for her.

so the highlight of the evening

Me and my cousin were laying in her bed just talking and my cousin eric came in and was all like, "mandy you wont believe what just happend, aunt lisa was on the golf cart and ran into the wall and pinned your dad in between the wall and the golf cart."  but that wasnt what really happend...my mom and my aunt lisa who are twins, and when they are together everything crazy happends, so anyway they were drinking a lot and were...ummm...wasted. and my aunt lisa was driving the cart with my brother and my cousin on the back, and my mom thought it would be funny to jump on as it was going, but as she jumped on she accidently hit the gas and my aunt turned the wheel and they hit my dad and drove him right into the wall...

HaHaHa
ok i thought it was the funniest thing ever!

but then my mom starting crying...she was so scared that she killed him.  i stayed with her for a while trying to make her feel better.  hmmm hmm hmmm...my family...

im gonna go
byebye

Comment

blue lagoon [23 Oct 2004|02:27pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | justin timberlake- good foot ]

  click on the liger!

  • liger  n : offspring of a male lion and a female tiger (it was in the dictionary!)

eric ok you were right about woken but i got you on bling bling and ain't!

  • woken- v: to cease to sleep; become awake: overslept and woke late.
  • aint- Contraction of am not.
  • bling bling n: jewelry, often gaudy or ostentatious

GAWD! i love that girl!!! ^
(kara blue lagoon was on this morning and guess what?!
i watched it))

so today im going to a wedding that should be lots of fun...i dont know what im doin after but whatever...i think im having the halloween thing at my house and then we are gonna go to a haunted house but i have to talk to my mom about it a little bit more. so if you wanna know the details just ask me...

bye bye

"Is their really someone out there for everyone? Has anyone ever actually met someone that took their breath away and it was hard to talk around them the INSTANT you met them? When you saw them you knew that they were the most beautiful, most intelligent, and most outgoing person you have ever met and you WANTED to be with that person soo bad that it hurt you everytime you had to go home knowing she/he might not feel the same? Or do we just start to like someone and from those feelings stronger and stronger emotions develop and then you cant be without that person? Maybe i should just start looking for this "perfect person" that makes me act like an IdiOt around them." "WHERE ARE THE STOP SIGNS OF LIFE TELLING US WHEN TO SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AT OUR SURROUNDING AND JUST.....BE?" -thanks Zach for the thoughts!
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hehehe [21 Oct 2004|08:15pm]
[ mood | in love.... ]
[ music | Kelly Clarkson -Breakaway ]

well today was cute...
*i usually dont like rainy days but today was probably one of the best days ever*
i was in a bad mood at school because lately i have been, but then eric asked me to come over after school, and i didnt really want to because i was in a bad mood and i didnt want things to be bad between us. so we were walking to the car and i was freezing and he was keeping me warm (well kinda) and making fun of me and laughing...yes eric elliott was laughing and that just made me really happy. and then we got into the car and the handle was missing on the door of their van and they just got it back from being fixed and eric thought it was the funniest thing ever, and he wouldnt stop laughing. sometimes i dont get his sense of humor but still it was cute.
then he made me some hot cocoa (aka hot chacoco or what he called it) and we went down in the basement and watched harry potter, i was really tired and i feel asleep with him...that was cute. then....this little girl about a year old came over and he started playing with her, and i thought it was one of the cutest things he has ever done!
wow eric...i love you so much! its days like these that make me realize how lucky i am to have you, and how much more of a dork you are than me ; )


Dashboard Confessional Are Cavalier


i love you baby...

i hope it rains tomorrow... : )
byebye
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