Everyone Wants What They Cant Have

ahhh

2006-06-01T00:42:35Z

wow...
where to start. well there has been a lot of things going on lately that have been killing me...

my boyfriend for one is the most stressful thing to deal with, and with all the doctor appointments and work and all these mixed emotions my stomach feels like it is going to collapse. my boyfriend is my soul mate there's no doubt about that, and yeah we both have made mistakes that have hurt each other in the past but we have moved on and thats the important thing. the only thing that is killing me right now is how he is not RESPONISBILE at all!!!! not that im the most perfect person in the world but at least i can get up for work on time. he has so much potential to be the person he dreams of being but he is stuck in one place right now and can't get out of it.

yeah its fun partying and getting drunk and having fun but it can take a toll on your life easily (especially when you get evicted from your house and you got a really mad landlord)
i must be impossible for him at the moment...i was the whole reason he lost his wallet in the river with all his money in it for one...

***we were at the river and me and joey held on to a rock to catch up with the rest of our group and if it wasn't for me being so worried about spilling my SPARKS (there's another way beer can ruin your day) then i wouldn't have floated away from the group like 30 feet away and joey wouldn't have had to throw his wallet at his friend and jump in the river after me --by then i was crying because four mexicans on one tube were frantically swimming after me shouting "come here, im lonely, im lonely!"-- i feel bad that he lost all his money and then that night we drank away our worries...and thats where beer (again) ruins your night***

this party could have went down in the books...all of fountain hills cops were surrounding the house and we kept on partying all night in the dark...but the next morning we payed for it...the land lord came yelling and screaming at joey and they lost their house...
its not like they would have been living there much longer anyway...he lost all his money...but thats not the point, he didn't have that much money in the first place becasue he doesnt know how to save his money and it kills me...he cant stay at work, he cant be there on time, and he cant bring home the money to pay for bills...how can i rely on someone like that?

there are other things about him that make me know why im with him...he has the biggest heart- anyone who has met him would tell you that! he just glows...and i know that is weird to say but it is so true...he can be friends with anyone and he gives you all of his heart and at the same time he stands up for himself and for the ones he cares about around him...hes tough guy ill tell you that...but in a cuddly way...this isnt making any sense is it?
he has this innocence about him that makes me want to be a better person...i have never seen him worry about anything in his life..and thats basically the reason why i am writing this...i worry WAY too much...i dont want to be a WORRY WART but i am....

i love my boyfriend more than anything in the world...he just stresses me out and hopefully one day he will grow up and grow with me and our relationship will have more than the potential it has now and it will last for years to come.

blabs

2005-10-07T18:43:15Z

So last year about this time i started one of these livejournal thingys and now im gonna start it up again. A lot of crazy ass things happen in my life...especially with my partner in crime Joseph Bernard and i love my life so much now. (partly because of Joey...i love him)

When i would write journals last year i was completely depressed. But i've done a full 180 and things are completely different.

So next week is fall break and i got a head start today by ditching school...ooooh i know----can you say BADASS? just kidding but im just sitting here bored waiting for Joey to come back from fountain hills. He had to patch things up with his brother-in-law and i was supposed to go but i made the decision that it was something he had to do on his own. you know a family thing.

well thats me talking about nothing...hahaha
bye

mandypants88 @ 2004-11-19T17:30:00

2004-11-20T00:33:43Z

"SOOO i know we haven't been communicating that well lately and we always seem to be fighting the only solution i can think of is
DANCE OFF"
-- kara carmack...best advice given i swear to go her and athan are the same people!

lol so heres a good question...

what is your biggest fear?

i have two fears....number one is fish! i hate them so much! AHHHH! i know its weird but omg something about them just make me wanna run for cover. number two is being alone...i cant stand it. you know when someone can have a nervous breakdown if too many people are around them, well mine is the total opposite. i seriously flip out and have nervous breakdowns if people arent with me.

i really wanna change that about me

mandypants88 @ 2004-11-17T22:08:00

2004-11-18T05:11:15Z

this is what happens when me and kara have:
1. a lot of free time
2. some sugar involved or in my case corn dogs
3. a computer with some way of us being able to
communicate in this critical time

gURLiegURLpNk (9:50:43 PM): Ask me 3 questions, anything you want, and I will answer honestly. Post this and allow your friends to ask you three questions that you must answer honestly.
carmack 8 9 4 (9:50:51 PM): ok
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:09 PM): would you die for me?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:51:13 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:21 PM): if i were killed would you kill the person who killed me?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:51:26 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:51:51 PM): would you wipe my butt if i had no arms and i SERIOUSLY needed a hand?
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:07 PM): .....
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:13 PM): "ask again later"
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:26 PM): "signs point to yes"
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:34 PM): HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:38 PM): now your turn
gURLiegURLpNk (9:52:47 PM): do u love me?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:52:53 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:53:23 PM): would u love me if i wasnt able to show any emotions AT ALL and i was a vegetable
carmack 8 9 4 (9:53:28 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:54:17 PM): would u take me to the elton john and metallica collaberation concert this fall if i really wanted to go?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:54:42 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS no way would i fucking miss that w/ you
carmack 8 9 4 (9:54:44 PM): ahahahahahahahah
gURLiegURLpNk (9:54:58 PM): oooo i have another one though
carmack 8 9 4 (9:55:08 PM): shoot
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:06 PM): if i were sick in the hospital dying of.....lets just say...a really bad case of herpes...would u pass up a chance to meet harry potter, and i mean the real harry potter, to come and visit me in the hospital and change my bed pans?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:20 PM): yes
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:27 PM): really?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:36 PM): omg i swear that was the BEST freakin question i have EVER been asked
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:41 PM): how bout elton john and his metallica back up dancers?
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:48 PM): ummm
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:51 PM): yes
carmack 8 9 4 (9:56:53 PM): lowl
gURLiegURLpNk (9:56:58 PM): u had to think about it!
carmack 8 9 4 (9:57:12 PM): hahaahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaah

wow we are weird!

mandypants88 @ 2004-11-14T15:16:00

2004-11-14T22:29:22Z

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Realization: we all want the things that we cant have, or we can have but its just not right.

my birthday was fun because i was with kara! wow i love that girl! im soooo glad we share our birthdays! we went on a shopping spree today and spent most of our money that we got. but it was speed shopping. i mean we were in and out of every store in like 10 minutes (except for charolette's russe because i retruned somthing but they gave me "in-store" credit and i had to go in the thong bins...hahaha)

anyway...i was in tears on my birthday bc my brother got me the sweetest card (and 16 dollars lol) wow...its things like that, when an older brother shows that he cares, that just KILLS me. it was weird coming right after our little fist fight thingy. omg! that was probably my favorite present so far.

my birthday isnt until november 27th guys. sorry for the confusion lol. i always have the FAMILY party first because i share with my cousin kara. but yeah im not 16 yet, but its coming up soon!

hehe talk to ya'll later! bye bye
mandy

i think im a little bit more stronger now

2004-11-12T02:02:09Z

so let me update....
on wednesday night my aunt took me shopping for my birthday and we went to the mall and passed by the purses, and so of course my aunt insists on getting me a really nice purse. after her talking me into letting her buy me the purse for over an hour, i finally gave in and she bought me it. omg i love it!! lol

but anyway, after that i went to go and pick up kadie, and we went to blockbuster and rented bad santa then came back to my house and watched it...well kadie watched it, i pretended to while i was half asleep. i was so frickin exaughsted from what has been going on lately.

the next day my mom gave me my birthday present, which was a whole shit load of money to go shopping with kadie...so we were off to the mall. i didnt even buy really anything. i bought a shirt and got me and kadie starbucks. i seriously dont know HOW to spend money. lol kadies mom had bought her the shrek movies and she hadnt opened them yet and she had her backback with her all through the mall because we just came from my house, and we were going out of hollister and the alarm went off...hahaha it looked so bad, we were walking out and kadie had a back pack on...it was hilarious! but it was the movies that were setting the alarm off.

so when we were at the mall we met up with her friends. and her ex boyfriend james. so it ended up that me, kadie, and james went shopping for a while and then we walked back to kadies house. i was sitting there talking to james and him and kadie broke up about i dont know how long ago, and he was telling me about how it was hard, and if she asked him back out he would say yes. so i told kadie about it and she told me that she asked him out just yesterday and he said no...but she seemed happy about it.

we were sitting there and kadie decides to call eric because she told him she would, and i had to just go somewhere else. thank god she just told him that she would talk to him later. but then like 15 minutes later he calls back asking for me...omg i just sat there with the phone in my hand trying to figure out if i should talk or not, because its been so hard lately (im not gonna lie) my hands were shaking so bad but i started talking to him, and i could tell something was wrong but i didnt know what...i am worried, it might be good, it might be bad. but he didnt tell me, all he could say was "nevermind." so i just left him like that...maybe he needs time to think, so hes gonna get time to think.

so this is where my day was RUINED. all three of us were just sitting there in kadies room, and james asked for my number as kadie wasnt looking...omg i didnt know what to say so i was like "hold on" and i went to go help kadie with something. i was avoiding it for a while, and then the phone rang and kadie had to go get it, and thats when he asked me again, and i was like "ummm i just cant right now."

wow i was pissed.

i mean hes a cool guy and everything but i just didnt like him in that way, and i thought i made it pretty clear. but wow! ok first of all he knew some of the things that were going on right now, and he just got done telling me he would go back out with kadie. and kadie is my friend!! you know i think he would be better with her. god what an ass hole move.

ahhhh! guys are so stupid.

mandypants88 @ 2004-11-10T15:52:00

2004-11-10T23:06:41Z

ok!!!

im finally able to focus on me...but where do i start?
i NEED to be happy. i need to just have fun and forget about the things on the surface...the things im saying are bothering me, and that im holding on to, because really i let them go a long time ago, i was just too scared to admit it. ok so now i need to fix me, fix my problems. im not gonna care anymore because its killing me.

anyway...

i get to spend time with kadie now!!! yay!!! its time to party! hehehe and get my mind off all the bad.

thank you kadie for helping me realize things...i love you!

i still love him

2004-11-07T02:29:53Z

i just want to know that im still the girl that made the butterflies in your stomach happen...

i miss that
i miss you.

mandypants88 @ 2004-11-04T15:35:00

2004-11-04T22:37:54Z

if god came up to you and told you that you had two choices to make...

1. die on the spot
or
2.live someone elses life until it was their time to die. you could be anybody in the world that was living at the moment.

which would you choose, and who would you be??

Creative Thinking

2004-11-04T02:27:39Z

so today was crappy actually.

god it feels like everyday im like gambling with my feelings. one day everythings ok and the next things suck, but its not like EVERYTHING in my life sucks just because of today its just that today proved my point from the beginning.

let me explain...
ive been REALLY sick of people and their crappy ways were all they think about is themselves, and do things just to their benifits. thats why lately ive been more by myself than anything because i need to see whos just gonna use me and who actually cares. today this person was the biggest bitch. i was supposed to go out to eat with her after school, and then at the last minute she decides to un-invite me and my friend because shes inviting two other people, and just invite my boyfriend. wow that pissed me off. its not like im jealous that she wants my boyfriend, i KNOW for a fact thats not true, and he would never like her, they are just friends. its just the fact that we were REALLY close and then all of the sudden she choses to leave me out. that just sucked. i normally would be pissed about this and then just let it go because really its not that big of a deal, its not the end of the world. but this just proves my point.

people suck!
why do people only care about themselves? SERIOUSLY ANSWER MY QUESTION!
can anybody....no!
its the most stupid thing in the world. i know you cant go all you life thinking about everyone else and never yourself, but come on stop being so selfish, get over your shallowness, get over trying to fit in, trying to be cool, trying to be the best in everything that you do, because that kind of stuff should come naturally or not all. i know this world is cruel and all, but you dont have to hurt EVERYONE to survive...its not that bad.

quit stepping on others people's feet that are innocent, that have done NOTHING to you, quit making them fall, just so you can step all over them and claim your un-deserved victory!

ok im done with that shit. lol

now...ADRI!!!
(my wife)
i was thinking about things today and i realized that i miss hanging out with ya girl! remember when we used to live at the mall...i mean how many movies did we see together? now its just like..."ok lets do something and soon." but then we never plan it...we need to stop doing that!!!! i love ya!

</o:p>

KARRY POTTER
I LOVE YOU

i really love how u r obsessed with this sexy piece of ass...lol

i love my journal

2004-11-02T23:42:10Z

A b o u t M e
Name: Mandy
Single or Taken: Taken…kinda sorta..lets just say im in love with only one person right now, and only that person ; )
Sex: Female.
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: hazel!

R e l a t i o n s h i p s
Who are your best friends? Eric, Kara, Chelsea, Jesse, Athan, Casey (gf), Kadie
Do you have a boyfriend?: yes.

S p e c i f i c s
Do you do drugs?: no..well except when me and my cousin are high off vicadin with my grandma
What are you most scared of?: being alone, and fish (don’t ask)
Who is the last person that called you?: shane
Where do you want to get married?: I don’t know…someones backyard…but it has to be nice, not like hill-billy with a busted up car with no wheels as the scenery.
What would you change about yourself?: stop caring about the things that I think are ruining my life and arent, and start caring about the things that are ruining my life that I could care less about.

F a v o r i t e s
Color: pink
Food: hmmm…chilli-cheese fries, STARBUCKS AHHHH!
Boys names: Jose, Juan…jk (Aidan, Christian)
Girls names: Dorothy, Bertha (Sydney, Katelyn)
Subjects in school: friends
Animals: my fat poodle doggy Buffy

H a v e y o u e v e r...
Bungee jumped?: yeah me and my brother tied dental floss to my pants and I jumped off our balconey into the pool…FUCK NO! but I would…
Skinny dipped?: yes
Ever been in love?: yes
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: hahaha yeah im pretty damn good at it too.
Actually seen your crush naked?: hmmm…these are personal questions
Lied: yes unfortunately…NEVER AGAIN
Fallen for your best friend?: yeah…that was the most confusing thing for me…don’t ever do it.
Been rejected?: yes…ERIC > hmmmm
Rejected someone?: yes
Used someone?: I don’t think so…lol ive been accused but that was bullshit! Hahaha

C u r r e n t. . .
Clothes: nothing…jk no really…
Music: im watching oprah
Make-up: nothing really..bronzer
Annoyance: my dogs whining, eric cracking his knuckles
and neck GAWD!
Book you're reading: none…I should be reading tho
In CD player: avril lavigne (hahaha kara you left it here)
In DVD player: harry potter ….shit I need to return that
Color of toenails: french…sexy I know lol

L a s t p e r s o n. . .
You touched: mike
Hugged: christine
You im'ed: kadie
You yelled at: my mom
You kissed: eric..duh!

A r e y o u. . .
Understanding: not all the time
Open-minded: yep
Arrogant: sometimes
Interesting: hell yes
Random: HA yeah!
Hungry: no
Smart: sometimes
Moody: right now yes…sorry : /
Organized: not really
Shy: NO…well when I really don’t like someone I am. (isnt that weird)
Difficult: yes…yeah im man enough to admit it
Attractive: I don’t know…no.

R a n d o m
In the morning I: think of eric…lol I cant help that one.
Love is: harsh. One minute its perfect the next its
hard to control.
I dreamt about: killing my cousin. haha
If I had one wish: I’d make you smile every minute
of the day
I wanna know: my surprise.

O p p o s i t e s e x
What do you notice first about a guy you like: smile, then hair, then style, then how funny they are. < Hahah kara “what happened?”
Last person you slow danced with: eric before math today…haha
Worst question to ask: “how far have you gone?” just shut the fuck up
Who makes you laugh the most: kara. Nuff said
Who makes you smile the most: probably eric.
Who do you have a crush on: ****

D o y o u e v e r. . .
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone
special to im you?: I used to…those were the days now
im too fucking tired.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: yes, because girls are treated like shit.

N u m b e r
Of times i have had my heart broken: once.
Of hearts i have broken: ten. No twenty… I don’t know
people don’t go up to me and are like “you broke my heart bitch.”
Of guys you kissed: 5
Of continents i have lived in: 72 (one biatch)
Of CDs I own: I don’t know

halloween

2004-11-01T03:54:14Z

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

my halloween was quite interesting...

here's some pictures....

football players

me posing my footballness on chads car!

kara's determination

GRRR...

MY BEST FRIEND!!

there's more in my photo journal check em out!

mandypants88 @ 2004-10-30T08:14:00

2004-10-30T15:26:14Z

ok i know this may sound selfish but sometimes i wish pepople would just do something AMAZING for me. something that would make me speechless. i always said that i hate surprises and the reason why i hate them is because everytimes someone goes to surprise me i end up fiding out sooner or later. thats just the persuasive part of me. but i WANT surprises i want someone to let me know how much they care. especially during this time of my life. im not dropping any hints (well maybe) haha jk. but i love when my friends think of the cutest littlest things because i NEVER forget them!!!!!!!

on the edge of breaking down
with no one there to save you
you dont know what its like...

i got my pictures back from my summer...i guess my sister stole my camera and took pictures on her own, but they are some great ones in there.

like jesse and zack k in pacsun when i got kicked out for taking the damn picture.
then eric playing kadies bass (wowie! lol)
then kadie kicking erics ass! hahaha (little white castle burgers)
eric being blinded by the light! hahah you should see it.
me being pissed at eric and him taking a picture of it.
(wow i didnt know i look that evil when im mad)

I did it in 16</big> seconds.
I deserved an A-!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!! ^ok i was really...GROUNDED...today and i decided to keep myself busy. do this little thing i thik its funny! oh yeah i might be ungrounded really soon...i just have to CHANGE a lot of things and im working on it. ♥ to know you who: i may not have been acting the same lately (well the past few months but i promise its gonna change completely. right now it may not seem like i love you, but i do i love you soooo much! i need time alone

daddy's little girl

2004-10-29T03:42:19Z

i really hate someone right now you have no idea.
this person has done nothing but caused me troubles since he entered my life.
you think that he would love me, care for me, and treat me like his own, but no he never did.

i hate the stereotypes >momma's boy> daddy's little girl> because im not daddy's little girl.

i hate my dad.

hes not even my dad. everything about him isnt anything like me. hes that type of person that could careless about anyone but himself but takes credit for the things that he does like hes some kind of angel.

hes so fake. everytime someone other than our immediate family is around he puts up an act. only a few times has his true self come out, and those times have been ugly.

i can remember me being 8 years old and already hating him more than anything on the planet. i thought he was the devil, the boogie man, the terrible monster that lived in my closet, but really he was only a room down taking over my life and ruining it.

i always wonder what my life would be like if he hadnt become my dad. would things have been better? would i be different? i think im a stronger person because of all the shit that he has put me through, but there is no way in hell im gonna give him a OUNCE of credit for ANY good that there is in me.

i remember in 8th grade this girl's dad was dying. there was a charity for her dad to raise money for the expences. i didnt know this girl at all, but i guess my dad gave the most moeny to her, adding up to thousands of dollars...yeah bullshit..
everytime i would see her at school she would stop and smile at me like she was thanking me for what he did. i never talked to her. i wish i did though. i would warn her that he doesnt need a thank you.
man oh man now thinking back on it i REALLY wish i would have talked to her. her dad was d ying...i know almost exactly how that feels. i hope ill be able to see her and talk to her about the things that she probably thinks no one understands...i understand. i hope she doesnt end up with a shitty step-father like i did.

goodnight

to be continued....

2004-10-28T06:08:59Z

what do you do when the person that made you smile in the first place is now the person who took the smile off your face?

i dont know whats gonna happen next
thats good and bad

i feel like our relationship is a cheesy soap opera that just ended with a "to be continued" and the anticipation to know whats gonna happen next is killing me.

mandypants88 @ 2004-10-26T15:51:00

2004-10-26T23:06:44Z

im giving up for good

.......i dont care anymore

freshamn year in english my teaher sat there with a book of stupid questions that were supposed to start debates or whatever, and one of the questions was "if you could get rid of any emoition what would it be?" and everyone in the class said sadness, but then my teacher said she wanted to answer the question. she said that if she could get rid of any emotion it would be jealousy because jealousy kills. she said that everyone has lost friends because they were jealous of something about them, businessmen turn into devils because of their greed and jealousy of someone more powerful than them, you lose sight of love because of jealousy, and the most important thing...trust...is lost. i dont know why i remember that over all of the things we did in that class, but i remember what she said word for word. now its happening in my life, and i hate it more than ANYTHING! please god just take it away! if theres some way of not being jealous please let me in on the secret.

if you could get rid of any emotion what would it be?

the only thing you can ever do for me for as long as you will know me is to not bring me down into the hell you are in right now.

try it ; )

2004-10-24T19:27:05Z

I got this from someone's LJ and it was the cutest thing
DO IT!!!

Please, read and follow the instructions.

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything.
Make sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post as many times as you'd like.
This may take place of my journal for a little while
-- but eventually I'll start writing more entires again.
Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.

-mandy

OH WOW

2004-10-24T05:26:16Z

i just got home from the wedding and wow i love my family.

They are the coolest, most exciting bunch of people ever, and i cant live without them. i'll tell you why...
So we were at my aunts next door neighbors wedding, and at the beginning everyone at the wedding was in this extra house thingy that they have in their back yard that has a pool table, a bar, and games and stuff. so yeah everyone was talking in there and then my brother decides to show off his newly gaged ear and my mom goes to screw on the ball of his earring and drops it. so everyone in my family was on the ground on their hands and knees looking for this ball...while everyone else not in our family looked at us really really weird.
Then my cousin eric was standing on this rock next to the pool, and my grandpa tells his dad to yell at him to get off the rock because he might fall in and my uncle just says "oh yeah that would be awesome if he feel in, let him fall." and so the whole night my uncles were trying to push eric in the pool.
Then my uncle phil split red wine on my grandmas shirt and my uncle jerry had a brillant idea to put white wine on it so the stain would come out, so he was pouring all this wine on her, and it didnt do anything.
Then because my grandmas knee is hurt she wanted to go to my cousins house so i drove her over there in the golf cart and when i was going back to the wedding, i hear her screaming me name as i drive down the street...it just so happend that when she went outside to smoke she locked herself out of the house, and i had to drive back and unlock the door for her.

so the highlight of the evening

Me and my cousin were laying in her bed just talking and my cousin eric came in and was all like, "mandy you wont believe what just happend, aunt lisa was on the golf cart and ran into the wall and pinned your dad in between the wall and the golf cart." but that wasnt what really happend...my mom and my aunt lisa who are twins, and when they are together everything crazy happends, so anyway they were drinking a lot and were...ummm...wasted. and my aunt lisa was driving the cart with my brother and my cousin on the back, and my mom thought it would be funny to jump on as it was going, but as she jumped on she accidently hit the gas and my aunt turned the wheel and they hit my dad and drove him right into the wall...

HaHaHa
ok i thought it was the funniest thing ever!

but then my mom starting crying...she was so scared that she killed him. i stayed with her for a while trying to make her feel better. hmmm hmm hmmm...my family...

im gonna go
byebye

blue lagoon

2004-10-23T21:29:23Z

click on the liger!

liger n : offspring of a male lion and a female tiger (it was in the dictionary!)

eric ok you were right about woken but i got you on bling bling and ain't!

woken- v: to cease to sleep; become awake: overslept and woke late.
aint- Contraction of am not.
bling bling n: jewelry, often gaudy or ostentatious

GAWD! i love that girl!!! ^
(kara blue lagoon was on this morning and guess what?! i watched it))

so today im going to a wedding that should be lots of fun...i dont know what im doin after but whatever...i think im having the halloween thing at my house and then we are gonna go to a haunted house but i have to talk to my mom about it a little bit more. so if you wanna know the details just ask me...

bye bye

"Is their really someone out there for everyone? Has anyone ever actually met someone that took their breath away and it was hard to talk around them the INSTANT you met them? When you saw them you knew that they were the most beautiful, most intelligent, and most outgoing person you have ever met and you WANTED to be with that person soo bad that it hurt you everytime you had to go home knowing she/he might not feel the same? Or do we just start to like someone and from those feelings stronger and stronger emotions develop and then you cant be without that person? Maybe i should just start looking for this "perfect person" that makes me act like an IdiOt around them." "WHERE ARE THE STOP SIGNS OF LIFE TELLING US WHEN TO SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AT OUR SURROUNDING AND JUST.....BE?" -thanks Zach for the thoughts!

hehehe

2004-10-22T03:29:43Z

well today was cute...
*i usually dont like rainy days but today was probably one of the best days ever*
i was in a bad mood at school because lately i have been, but then eric asked me to come over after school, and i didnt really want to because i was in a bad mood and i didnt want things to be bad between us. so we were walking to the car and i was freezing and he was keeping me warm (well kinda) and making fun of me and laughing...yes eric elliott was laughing and that just made me really happy. and then we got into the car and the handle was missing on the door of their van and they just got it back from being fixed and eric thought it was the funniest thing ever, and he wouldnt stop laughing. sometimes i dont get his sense of humor but still it was cute.
then he made me some hot cocoa (aka hot chacoco or what he called it) and we went down in the basement and watched harry potter, i was really tired and i feel asleep with him...that was cute. then....this little girl about a year old came over and he started playing with her, and i thought it was one of the cutest things he has ever done!
wow eric...i love you so much! its days like these that make me realize how lucky i am to have you, and how much more of a dork you are than me ; )

Dashboard Confessional Are Cavalier

i love you baby...

i hope it rains tomorrow... : )
byebye

mandypants88 @ 2004-10-19T21:04:00

2004-10-20T04:10:08Z

people you know who you are please stop putting comments in my thingy. thanks.

if ive been acting weird lately, just try not to think twice about it...ill be back to normal soon.

eric i do love you and i cant say it enough!

quickie

2004-10-18T04:56:25Z

dont feel like writing im gonan go to bed
school tomorrow...
talk to you later!
byebye

CHECK OUT THE PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i updated it
(they are of me and kara being so dorky!)

xoxoxoxox

nothing better to do

2004-10-17T20:47:14Z

so last thing i wrote an entry that was well depressing and i didnt really say anything and right now i feel i the need to write something so here i go.
yesterday was so annoying. i stayed up the night before with my grandpa and the neighbors until like 3 or 4 in the morning and my grandma woke me up at 8 because i had to take her to a doctors appointment. so i drove her everywhere. after the doctors appointment i took her to the store to get stamps and then somewhere to mail letters, and then i took her to mcdonalds for something to eat and then i got some starbucks. after going back to her house and sleeping for a while, with her periodically waking me up to make her lunch, or clean the house it was about 3:00. so i called eric and woke him up because i was extremely bored, and well it was our 6 month anniversary and i thought we should spend it together. he told me he had to go to the high school hockey game out in peoria, and he was gonna come and pick me up. so as he was on his way to come and pick me up my grandpa decides he wants me to take him to the store to get some food, and that took forever. when we got home eric was sitting on the couch with my grandma talking, i felt bad, but it was cute. then my granparents wanted me to cook for them and stay and eat with them too, so me and eric didnt even go to the game, we werent gonna make it even if we tried.
we were eating dinner when this thing on the news came up about a block party, and it was right where jesse, chris, and alex lived so me and eric decided to go there for a while. and we hung out at chris's house with sean, and jesse. i played chris in ping pong, and talked with sean about......well.......lets not talk about that right now. then me and eric took jesse to the movies. we were gonna go but didnt, and jesse payed for gas so it was all good. me and eric really didnt get to spend that much time together last night because his mom insisted that he should be home at 9:30. i was so pissed.
thats when i had a HUGE ass headache. i mean not just a normal one, but this was bad. i couldnt even lift up my damn head. and to make evreything worse when i was getting out of the car i noticed that i didnt have my purse, i left it over chris's house, and it had my contact case in it that i havent had this whole time i was at my grandmas house. my eyes are so blood-shot because i havent been able to take my contacts out.
oh it was funny. there are these undercover cops that are watching this one cop in our neighborhood for protection, and they were talking to my grandma the other night and they said that they saw two teenages girls outside our hosue on thursday night dancing and they thought it was the funniest thing. my grandma asked if it was me and my cousin kara, but i knew that it wasnt, but i was thinking about it and eric and jesse came over that night to take us to the movies, and my grandma said that it was probably jesse, and that the cops thought he was a girl. so i asked jesse about it last night and it was him, wow jesse youre such a dork but i love you.
i have to go help my grandpa make food right now for my grandma so ill finish this entry later THERE"S SO MUCH MORE TO SAY! lol bye bye

not so great feeling

2004-10-17T04:56:15Z

wow everything about today sucked. i felt like a slave, and everything just went terribly wrong. wow i hate these kinds of days, well at least tomorrow i have the whole day to be with myself and not worry about the shit of the world.
for some reason i dont feel like myself. i mean its not that every moment of the day i feel like shit, but its like when im around certain people i feel a change. like im changing myself and i dont want that, i feel fake. i get these massive headaches from all of the stress i put on myself....i need a break.
god today really did suck...i swear im cursed. the 16th of every month is the worst and it just so happeneds to be me and erics anniversary.
ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
if someone knows how to get out of thses damn moods, help......

Just Thinkin

2004-10-16T08:56:43Z

i just got home from a busy day.... well eric came over my grandmas house
and we went out to eat, and then he hung around here for while eating pizza
(we had that one kind with the cheese in middle, it was gross by the way) and
we were listening to my grandpas jokes (that don't make sense at all) then
after talking for a few eric dropped me off a brookes house for movie night
where me, zach t, zack k. (the zax) chris, trevor, leigh, sean and elena
watched the exorcist and played DDR.
me and zach t. played darts most of the time, and me and trevor were the shit
at DDR (chris pulled my leg out from under me and i fell HOW CHEAP) then eric
came and ruined it all (JK!) so me and eric left on the journey back to my
grandparents house, which by the way takes about a half an hour to get there.
i feel like shit right now...
eric was with me when i felt like this and i took it out on him, and the seat belt in the car that i refused to put on (ooo rebel) i was being such a bitch. i think all this stress about how people just suck has finally gotten into my head and im blaming myself and hating myself for everyone else around me. im sure you have no idea what the hell im talking about but well thats a long story. all im saying is that its hard to get out of a bad mood, and its hard to not take it out on someone else.
but eric helped me...
wow that kid knows exactly what to say to make me feel perfectly fine again. im sure he doesnt think hes helping me very much, but what he doesnt know is
that im a better person because im with him. its so nice to have someone
there for you no matter what, and especially when everything goes terribly
wrong, and when everything gets so dramatic.
it seems like every time a problem in my life is finally resolved another one
just as bad pops up right away. thats lifes stupid ways and i wish that
things would just be perfect! SOMEBODY make everything perfect!

here's a little something ----->

*~*eric*~*
you dont know what you mean to me, i really dont know if i could survive
without you. there's so many things about you that i love
1. your laugh - i know i know you never laugh, but i've gotten you to laugh a
lot for someone who doesnt laugh at all, yeah i know most of the time your
laughing at me for being the biggest dork, but still when you laugh its the
greatest thing for me because its rare, and i know when your having a good time.
2. how you know what im thinking- most of the time i dont have to say
anything for you to know exactly what im saying, thats one of the reasons i
love hanging out with you, because we dont have to sit there and talk for
hours and never get anywhere but we can spend time together and not ruin it
by talking about mean less things
3. how you do the sweetest things for me- i love how you will do anything and
everything for me, and THANK YOU so much for that. i love the little things
that you say...you probably dont know this but i LOVE hearing what you have
to say, and the littlest things i remember forever...the little sweet
nothings last forever (lol) like the messages you leave me on the computer,
or like when im at a friends house spending the night and you still call me
just to say goodnight.
4. you dont let things go- i love/hate this about you. sometimes it gets
annoying because you NEVER let anything go and hold big grudges, but at the
same time its fun playin with you and seeing you flip out when i dont tell
you something(i know you hate me for that but hey its pay back :) )
5. you know the things that will drive me crazy- good or bad you drive me crazy and i love how you know exactly what to say and the right moment to say
it.
6. you make me a better person- for some reason with you everything seems to
go wrong around us but you take care of me and make everything right again.
you help me forget the bad and focus on the good, you bring out the good in me and you make my life so much better.
7. your honest- i love how you can tell me the truth about everything even if
its "do you think i look fat in this shirt" im glad you can be 50% honest
(lol) no really i always want your opinion on everyhting i do, and im glad
that you wouldnt lie to me.
8. i can trust you- i can seriously trust you with my life. you know
EVERYTHING about me and i love how we have so many secrets just us two.
9. youre my best friend- you are my best friend and i really do mean that. i
mean its cool to know i can just hang out with you instead of having to be
your girlfriend we can just chill together ( well sometimes hehe ; ) )
10. you are definately my favorite person to be around, i always have a smile
when im with you, i act so frickin weird and goofy. ever wonder why out of
nowhere i start laughing? well me too....sometimes it just comes out, im just
so happy to be with you, i forget all my worries, and focus on that moment. thats why i dont tell you what wrong most of the time, its because everything is perfect for the amount of time i am with you and i dont want to ruin it.

so thats about 10 things...there's a whole lot more but i thought that would
be a good place to stop.

i want to thank you for everything you have done for me in the 9 or 10 months
ive known you
here are some things you might or might not know about....
*around spring break the day we were coming back for school you were the only
thing i was looking forward coming back to and i couldnt wait to see you. i
was in the cafeteria before life 101 and i was getting a drink when i heard banging on a door and i walked over to see who it was and it was you trying
to get in because marcus locked you out. when you saw me coming you froze
and i started cracking up because i didnt know what the hell you were doing,
but i had the biggest smile on my face and i was so happy to see you. so i
went to open the door for you and you didnt move out of the way and BAM! i
hit you in the face. well...i was embarrassed, yes i was embarrassed shut
up, and i just walked away, but you were cool about it and talked to me for
the whole period. wow i liked you so much.
*well i was gonna ask you out. yeah you took a long ass time to do it, i was
just gonna do it because we all know who has the balls in this relationship!
JK!!!!! but yeah i was gonna ask you, because it was torture for that week.
*when you were leaving for new hampshire over the summer on your last night i
spent the night at kadies, and i got really sick, and this was because i knew
i would miss you so much, and you stayed up all night texting kadie making
sure i was ok, which was the cutest thing ever. but for the first week and
half or whatever you were gone, i was worried sick, ive never felt like that
before, and ive never missed someone so much. i didnt think you knew how
much i really did miss you. i tried to hide it, but yeah im a baby.
*when you came back for the first time, and i kept on asking you why you were
looking at me the way you were, i was just saying that to see if you could
notice that i was looking at you the same way. it was the best feeling that
day to see you like that with me.
* this is kinda embarrassing to say but what the hell...there's this one song
i used to be in love with when i was younger. i made a cd with only that
song on it and listened to it non stop when i would lay out by the pool. one
day i was with my cousin chrissy and that song came on the radio and we sat
there talking about how it would be the best song to have as a couple. well its one of those songs no one puts down as their favorite song of all time,
but everyone knows it somehow, and it would come on every now and then on the radio or something and every time it would come on, i would get all girly and
think all these mushy things. well one day i was somewhere with you,
probably the mall or the movies, and that song came on, and you started
singing it to me, and you told me that its your favorite song. wow. it was so weird. and what made things even more weird was that it came on at
homecoming and we danced to it. song? K-Ci and JoJo lol

i am the luckiest girl to have you, really i am.

and i love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

much MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want you to know that everyday its something new and exciting with you, and
that's my favorite part about you. youre NEVER boring and everyday you do
something to make me fall in love with you all over again.

: )

its 1:51 am and i wanna be the first to say thanks for the 6 months we've been together, and i hope to see many more good times, and eric i want you to know that im here for you no matter what, and everything that you have done for me, i will do for you and so much more. i love you